All new cameras must have Automatic Double Chin Removal

unflattering-donald-trump-chin-photo-ps-battle-34In a new executive order that will effectively ban film-based cameras, President Donald Trump is requiring that cameras and camera phones incorporate Automatic Double Chin Removal (ADCR) technology. “Look,” said Trump, “I am tired of seeing photos of my double chin, and now I can do something about it.”

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Donald Trump with ADCR

The executive order, which takes effect in 45 days, will require that all new cameras and camera phones that are sold in the U.S. incorporate ADCR to automatically block or digitally remove all double chins. In addition, the executive order instructs the Secret Service to inspect all cameras at presidential events to ensure compliance with ADCR requirements.

The order also prohibits the sharing, dissemination, and publication of double chin photos. When asked about freedom of the press, Press Secretary Sean Spicer indicated that ADCR was a national security matter and that he would allow no further discussion.

For more on Donald Trump’s double chin, see Donald Trump Would Hate For You to Click And Share These Pics of His Double Chin,  Trump Is Insecure About His Double Chin, Internet Takes It To Task, and Donald Trump asked the media not to publish unflattering pictures. So the internet did this.

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The downside of Adobe’s new business model

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Adobe has changed from a business model that relies on software purchase for Photoshop and other products to one that requires a monthly subscription. I like Photoshop and have used it personally  and professionally for the last fifteen years; however, I hate this change and have no intention of committing myself to a monthly fee to use Adobe products.

As of January 27, 2017, Adobe has discontinued support for most of their desktop applications and it is clearly only a matter of time before these products fail completely. So, what are my options? I can come up with a the following no monthly fee options:

  1. Adobe Photoshop Elements, which is still available without a monthly charge.
  2. Corel Photo-Paint, which is included in the CorelDRAW Graphic Suite
  3. GIMP, which is a free image editor available online

For the time being I am planning to continue to use my still-working copy of Adobe Photoshop CS6. Eventually. I will switch to Option 2 or 3, since I have little desire to continue supporting Adobe.

Does anyone else dislike Adobe’s move to subscription-based services as much as I do?

For more on Adobe’s change see After a record-breaking year, Adobe officially axes the old Creative Suite and CC or Bust: Adobe Officially Pulls the Plug on Creative Suite.

Note: Adobe Photoshop is a professional product with extensive editing capabilities that targets a different market than consumer photo products. It is a complicated program and is not generally considered user friendly.

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Trump’s inauguration crowd size

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Barack Obama’s inaugural crowd (left) compared to Trump’s inaugural crowd (right).

fake-inauguration-crowdThe controversy over the crowd size and Trump’s inauguration misses the entire point. The fact is that through the miracle of Photoshop technology, Trump can have whatever size crowd he wants. To show how easy it is, here is Trump’s inauguration enhanced with enough imaginary people to match the crowd at Barack Obama’s inauguration. Now, Trump’s alternative fact is complete with an alternative photo, proving that everything is exactly as he says it is. Not!

For more on the controversy over the crowd size at Trump’s inauguration, see  Fact check: The controversy over Trump’s inauguration crowd size and  Crowd controversy: The making of an Inauguration Day photo.

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Kim Jong-unicorn

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North Korea The Real KimKim Jong-un, supreme leader of North Korea, recently released a new photo, with many interpretations appearing on the internet, including Kim Trump, Lil’ Kim, and Mona Kim. Kim Jong-unicorn is my contribution to this endeavor. No word yet on whether Kim Jong-un intends to photoshop his way up Mount Everest a second time.

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President Elect Trump puts Theil in charge of photoshop technology

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Peter Theil

In breaking news, President Elect Donald Trump has announced that he will appoint Peter Theil, Paypal co-founder and Facebook board member, to a new cabinet level position, Secretary of Alternate Reality. In his new role, Peter Theil will be responsible for altering reality to fit Trump’s view of the world. Theil will be expected to develop photoshop technology within the United States, as well as import the latest in photoshop technology from North Korea. He is expected to photoshop all evidence of global warming, air pollution, and any signs of positive economic growth under the Obama administration out of existence. He will also be responsible for removing all evidence of Trump’s double chin. When asked about the new position, President Elect Trump stated, “Everyone should see the world as I do. It doesn’t really matter what’s true.” Rumor has it that Peter Theil will also be working with Trump ally, Russian President Vladimir Putin to enhance photoshop technology within Russia.

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Europium in Europe

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periodic-talesAccording to Periodic Tales by Hugh Aldersey-Williams, every element has a use, or at least most of them do. The rare earth element, europium is used in European banknotes for security, along with TVs and  fluorescent light bulbs. It is responsible for the unique red and blue fluorescence seen when the 5 euro note is illuminated with UV light.

Europium is one of the rarest elements in the universe. It makes up only about 5×10−8 % of all matter in the universe.

Is the use europium in the euro fortuitous, or does it have a purpose? It is probably a little of both. The chemist who added europium to the euro clearly enjoyed the accomplishment, but it also adds a unique security feature to Europe’s banknote.

By the way, if you live in Europe, don’t study the banknotes carefully, since it is apparently against the law to investigate the fluorescence of banknotes. See Suyver, Europium Secures the Euro, 2002 for more information on the fluorescence of the euro.

December 2, 2016: The real reason that Europe decided to use europium may be that they could not find sufficient supplies of unicornium.

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Would you like gravy on that 5 pound note?

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Eat your meat takes on new significance with Britain’s movement to a new £5  banknote that contains traces of tallow. Tallow, which is made from beef or mutton fat, is also commonly used in candles and soap. Apparently, some  vegetarians are objecting to this use of animal fat; consequently, I would like to volunteer my services to take these tainted banknotes off their hands. Please send them to me in stacks of 100!

For more details on this new banknote, see The New £5 Note Contains Animal Fat – And Vegetarians Are Furious and Vegans Are Pissed That Britain’s New Money Contains Meat.

November 30, 2016: Good news! Canadians can eat their money too. See Canada’s Money Is Made of Meat Too.

November 30, 2016: Here’s a more complete list of countries with meat in their money:

  • Australia – First issued 1988
  • Brunei – First issued 1996
  • Canada – First issued 2011
  • Chile – First issued 2004
  • Costa Rica – First issued 2011
  • Dominican Republic – First issued 2010
  • Guatemala – First issued 2007
  • Honduras – First issued 2010
  • Hong Kong – First issued 2007
  • Malaysia – First issued 1998
  • Mauritania – First issued 2014
  • Mauritius – First issued 2013
  • Mexico – First issued 2002
  • Mozambique – First issued 2011
  • New Zealand – First issued 1999
  • Nicaragua – First issued 2009
  • Nigeria – First issued 2007
  • Papua New Guinea – First issued 1991
  • Paraguay – First issued 2009
  • Romania – First issued 1999
  • Singapore – First issued 1991
  • United Kingdom – First issued 2016
  • Vanuatu – First issued 2010
  • Vietnam – First issued 2001

Source: 24 Countries Where the Money Contains Meat

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