In breaking news, President Elect Donald Trump has announced that he will appoint Peter Theil, Paypal co-founder and Facebook board member, to a new cabinet level position, Secretary of Alternate Reality. In his new role, Peter Theil will be responsible for altering reality to fit Trump’s view of the world. Theil will be expected to develop photoshop technology within the United States, as well as import the latest in photoshop technology from North Korea. He is expected to photoshop all evidence of global warming, air pollution, and any signs of positive economic growth under the Obama administration out of existence. He will also be responsible for removing all evidence of Trump’s double chin. When asked about the new position, President Elect Trump stated, “Everyone should see the world as I do. It doesn’t really matter what’s true.” Rumor has it that Peter Theil will also be working with Trump ally, Russian President Vladimir Putin to enhance photoshop technology within Russia.
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